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JoKe oF the DAY!!! Updated every day I work
- Author: Thread starter Flsurfer06
- Start date
I am from the Navy so I shall roll out some jokes about my brothers/sisters and me 
What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?
We are in the same boat.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
One day while on leave from the Navy, a lonely man went into a bar. He was talking to this beautiful woman and asked to take her home with him and she agreed. During sex they guy looks down at her and asks "How am I doing?" He asks She looks at him and says "About three knots" Confused the man asks "What do you mean?" She says "You're KNOT hard, KNOT pleasuring, and you're KNOT getting your money back."
What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?
We are in the same boat.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
One day while on leave from the Navy, a lonely man went into a bar. He was talking to this beautiful woman and asked to take her home with him and she agreed. During sex they guy looks down at her and asks "How am I doing?" He asks She looks at him and says "About three knots" Confused the man asks "What do you mean?" She says "You're KNOT hard, KNOT pleasuring, and you're KNOT getting your money back."
Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!" :lol:
:lol:
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman inside is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her and at the end of the service the pallbearers are bringing out the casket when they hear the husband call out, Watch out for the wall!!!!
I'm going to answer these when I get some time. These type of questions get my brain all fired up with nonsense.
*A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
*My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
*Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
*My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
*Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
(Joke1)
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
(Joke 2)
Guy 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Guy 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Guy 1: "As if."
Guy 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Guy 1: "I don't have a sister."
Guy 2: "You will in about nine months."
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
(Joke 2)
Guy 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Guy 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Guy 1: "As if."
Guy 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Guy 1: "I don't have a sister."
Guy 2: "You will in about nine months."
Yo mama’s so ugly…
She threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Yo mama’s so fat…
When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
She made a blind kid cry.
Yo mama’s so fat…
I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
When she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.
Yo mama’s so fat…
She was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she’s known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
Her birth certificate is an apology letter.
Yo mama’s so fat…
She can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama’s so fat…
If she was a Star Wars character, her name would be Admiral Snackbar.
She threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Yo mama’s so fat…
When she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
She made a blind kid cry.
Yo mama’s so fat…
I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
When she was little, she had to trick-or-treat by phone.
Yo mama’s so fat…
She was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she’s known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Yo mama’s so ugly…
Her birth certificate is an apology letter.
Yo mama’s so fat…
She can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama’s so fat…
If she was a Star Wars character, her name would be Admiral Snackbar.
